This post is one that took quite a bit of time to complete. I have to admit, I almost didn’t publish it. The items I plan to discuss are difficult to come to terms with and embarrassing at best.
As my 27th year came and went, I began to reflect inward. Flipping through the memories of another amazing year upon this vast, wild world, I thought about what I had accomplished verses what my goals were, where I was compared to where I wanted to be a year ago. While I have many reasons to be very fulfilled and proud, there is one glaring truth that I have been avoiding for quite some time. I, Chelsey, am too much people. Let me explain.
I have never been a small person and honestly I don’t think I ever will be. Confidence was always a struggle during my teen years (as it is with most young girls in a size-obsessed society such as ours), but I found my footing once I reached my early twenties. I embraced who I was and rocked the crap out of peoples faces (aka, I looked good all day every day. Like duh). I stopped paying attention to the size of my jeans or the number on the scale, and instead accepted the fact that I was unconventionally healthy. But this year, I got a swift kick in the face from a very harsh reality.
My loving attachment and I went to Six Flags Great America for our birthdays this year. I was more than excited, as we had not been to an amusement park of any kind since we moved to Wisconsin almost 2.5 years ago.
Amusement parks are some of my favorite places on earth. I love roller coasters with every fiber of my being, and I missed them dearly. We planned to ride all of the coasters as many times as possible, but our day was cut abruptly short for a reason I never would have imagined – not in a thousand years – I could not fit on nearly all the rides but 2.
Now, obviously I did not try every single ride in the entire park. After doing a gut wrenching walk of shame on one ride, I wasn’t really inspired to make additional attempts. We did ride Roaring Rapids and a balloon ride that was (I think) meant for children, but only Superman and Goliath for the real coasters.
My first reaction, of course, was to wallow in self pity (cause what else can you do at a time like that). I was angry at Six Flags, pissed we spent a decent chunk of change to have a day of merriment that turned so sour so fast. But after several days of mulling the situation over in my head, I decided this was the catalyst to the change I so desperately needed.
I know once I got married, I stopped taking care of myself the way I used to. I was struggling to get a grasp on our new lives in Wisconsin, and in the process I let myself slip. I didn’t think much of it until my birthday this year, when I realized just how far out of touch I really was.
This is where my journey begins. I have commandeered my travel blog for a new purpose for the time being. I am taking steps to make healthier choices, and to ensure an appropriate amount of exercise (since I work in a call center now, I literally sit ALL. DAY. LONG. It’s awful). I am not about numbers or sizes, so I will never post about weight lost or sizes dropped. I am focused on feeling better, not arbitrary numbers assigned to me. Therefore, the only “before” picture I will post will be one which I love, because I have no qualms with who I am now. I simply know I can reach a much healthier version of me.
Here’s to a new beginning. To a better sense of self.